Good thing or a bad thing?

Scarecrow crying
Waiting to die wondering why
Scarecrow trying
Angels will hold carry your soul away

Melissa Etheridge "Scarecrow"

So it turns out that it wasn't what we all thought it was. This week, for the first time, one of the men charged with murdering Matthew Shepard went on record explaining what happened. When telling his story he explained that it actually had nothing to do with the fact that Shepard was gay. They were addicts, they were craving and had no drugs or money and saw that Matt did. They got him alone to steal his money and then beat him senseless due to their own lack of control and then ditched the body.

No more a hate crime than any other murder is a hate crime.

Now I guess there is the possibility that this is spin, that they feel that they will have a better chance at whatever sentencing or parole or whatever if the act turns out to be a product of addiction, of disease, rather than of ignorance or hate. In that case I think this is just another despicable chapter in the story. I mean if you are going to be a bigot and do the hard work of being a bigot, well then you ought not soften up just when its your moment to step up and take the blame. That's when you are supposed to revel in your commitment to "the cause," whatever misplaced, ignorant, craziness that might be. Hiding from it now is so... dissappointing.

I wonder more about what to do if it isn't spin. I mean if this was just a robbery and a murder would we have ever even heard about it? A mugging gone bad in rural Wyoming? What about Melissa's song, and Moises Kaufman's play, and the HBO movie of the play? All for... what? Are the messages of those artworks less important if the underlying event has been misinterpreted? I can't think of another parallel to compare this to to try to frame the question. Certainly the message is more powerful based on true events than it would be if it had been simply a fictional story, but based on a story that was false, what does that say?

A more broad hypothetical: What if say three years from now we find out that the 9/11 bombings were not about Islamic extremism at all but were actually something to do with currency, markets, and defense contractors; that Osama Bin Laden was actually working as a front for some huge multinational. That would certainly seem to me to undermine all of our actions afterward and would certainly seem that the ire directed at Islamic extremists was misplaced.

So if an attack we thought was based on homophobia turned out to be simple robbery is there a similar problem with the reaction?

I think not.

In rising up against hatred and homophobia we were rising against something that is inherently wrong. That the rallying event was misinterpreted may be unfortunate or embarrassing, and the songs may drop out of rotation, and the play may not be performed again, but the activism although erroneously spotlighted is still built on a strong foundation, is still important, and still speaks the truth.

Perhaps this should be another rally point. Perhaps we should not look back and report the mistake, but rather take this as an opportunity to add new fuel to the cause, energy to replace that which will be lost to this current spin. Melissa should write a new song, Kaufman should write a new play, HBO should do a new movie, all calling attention to the problem that is still there whether Matt Shepard was killed for money or for who he was.

This news isn't a good thing or a bad thing, its just a thing.

(and now I am left to wonder about the inherent rightness or wrongness of a reation to Islamic extreemism too - maybe that was a poor hypothetical)

Photos from my desk II

Now going though the desk at home...

Here we have Dr. Deborah Gilboa before she was a doctor, a Gilboa, or even a professional stage manager.

Yes, that is a Hammerschlag dorm room.

I wonder what else I'll find in my desk?

Purple States

Here's something to maybe soften the blow of all the red state/blue state talk of late:

(thanks to: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/)

This is a map of the US showing percentages of democratic and republican votes by county. The disturbing elephantitis of some areas and regretful shrinking of others is due to the fact that each county's representation on the map has had it's size modified based on population. Check out LA, San Francisco, Chicago, Detroit, NYC, and Fort Lauderdale. No real mystery where the democrats are living. It would also appear that there is basically nobody living between Idaho and New Mexico.

The voter split is represented by the color placement from blue to red. This happens to leave much of the country purple. Truth be told it also appears to me that there are more bluer than blue sections of the map than there are redder than red - but its been a long time since I painted a color wheel. In any case it is much preferable to the sea of red we've been seeing on the television coverage since the election.

So, maybe something for many of us to feel better about. Moreover, maybe something for the pundits and talking heads to think about when they're talking about the "mandate" that W got in this past election.

We now rejoin the fall semester...

...already in progress

Back in Pittsburgh trying to get re-situated - that and trying to figure out the new iPod (thanks Mrs. D).

More later.

Two down...

The wedding web page says there's 211 days left until the big day. My phone countdown says 211 days, 11 hours, and 17 minutes. Tonight Marisa and I completed our second official wedding event. The first was a small engagement dinner in Chicago. Tonight we had an engagement party in Bloomington with the Dollinger's and their local friends. An opportunity for some of the local people to catch up with Marisa and to meet me.

It was a lovely event at the Dollinger home, an after dinner with champagne for toasting and specially made deserts - kind of an audition for the wedding for the pastry chef. Very very rich chocolate mousse tarts, almond cookies with raspberries, and custard cups with pomegranate seeds, very nice.

Mostly this was people from the IU B-school and from the congregation. Everyone was very nice and happy for us. It was a no gift affair, but we still got a couple of nice presents. I guess we need to get the thank you note writing machine warmed up.

I wonder how many parties the wedding thing really turns out to be. So far we've had the two. We know about the wedding itself and the pre-nup dinner. I think there's a dinner the night before that here, there ought to be some kind of bachelor or bachelorette party or both. There's going to be at least one shower, in Chicago - that's down from what seemed to be a much larger list earlier. So what's that? A conservative 8 events? Could be more? This is going to be exhausting. Fun, but exhausting. Good thing I like all the people.

Thanksgiving

Do you know when you are at the table for Thanksgiving and someone who is just that much more into the whole thing then the rest suggests:

"OK, now lets go around the table and say just what we're thankful for"

I hate that. It never seems nice to put people on the spot, and make them speak in front of a group when that's not something they are used to. By the end of the thing it always seems like you have to pretty much say "I'm so thankful for people like these."

Here in the blogasphere, even though it is sappy it doesn't seem to suck so much. In fact, I am coming around to thinking that sappy does very well in a blog. What am I thankful for?

I am thankful for my family of 36 years, and for my father's family and my mother's family, and to my sister of not quite 36 years. I have lived a somewhat atypical family life with a huge group of people and very few loses over the years. It is very special to me and has shaped me in ways I am sure I don't even understand. I am thankful for the coming addition to the family, my lovely fiance, her family, and our little family: Trinity, RoLaren, Bretek, and Freya. I am also very thankful for what I guess could be called my associate family, all my friends that have been there for me all along, some for more than 30 years now, and some coming and going every year with new classes, some that are just a few blocks away and some who are never closer than on the other side of a computer screen. I am so appreciate of the work it takes to be my friend and I am thankful to all the people that roll up their sleeves and get it done. These friends are absolutely part of my family, and always have my gratitude - although sometimes it is hard to tell.

The problem with making a list, as we've all heard people bemoan on award shows, is that then it always sounds like you're leaving something off.

I am thankful for a great education, fabulous experiences, a wonderful job with exceptional colleagues and the greatest students - groups of people that keep me on my toes and appreciate what I am able to bring to them every day. I am grateful to be living in a time and a place where I can do this for a living, and be the person I am without having to be afraid of financial ruin or of persecution. For all the complaints about our leadership it is still a great place to live and grow. I am (knock wood) thankful for my health and the health of my extended family.

Does something like this start to sound self centered? Am I being selfish by being thankful to all of these things and how they relate to me? It does seem a little egocentric. Its hard to come up with things to be thankful about if they're not about me. Maybe more of it should be like the bit above: I am thankful for the continued healthfulness and happiness of so many other people in my life (darn, crapped out there at the end).

Shallow things I am thankful for: The West Wing, Rock Bottom Brewery, the internet, my truck after 12 long years, Eleven, Carnegie Mellon, Stargate SG-1, Robert Parker, Skittles, Office Depot, Ben Roethlisberger, Bar Louie & Super Marios, the NBA, Snood, NPR, laundry soap tablets, McDonald's, Air America, USA Today, The Original Hot Dog Shop, cable TV (but not the cable company) and all the other little things that make up my day.

I guess for next year I will try to figure out how to make this less about me.

Red States

Today I went west for the holiday, to Bloomington, IN and the home of my future in-laws. We left our blue state paradise and traveled across America, red state America, West Virginia, Ohio, and then Indiana.

We discovered a few things on our trip. First, real Americans apparently eschew Starbucks. We'll take our coffee the old fashioned way thank you, don't need none of your haf-caf-caramel-latte crap. Coffee, black, from the truckstop. And you'll like it.

Next, when all the counting is complete in Ohio, and they do the recounting and it is complete, if the Republicans do win it seems like they did do what it took to get the job done. Due to a tragic CD player malfunction we did a lot of radio listening on this trip. Running the AM dial with the seek feature on the radio from the top to the bottom yielded no less than seven occurrences of the Rush Limbaugh show. That's some brainwashing on a truly epic scale. Do I have to tell you how many instances of the Al Franken show we heard? Even NPR was pretty rare. Although toward the end we did catch a little bit of a static accented broadcast of "The World" talking about hydrodynamic energy.

Other than that its a fairly uneventful trip for Pittsburgh to Bloomington, even blander today. Long, grey, and rainy with lots of people driving like they were in a hurry.

Everyone out there, have a great holiday. Don't eat too much.

Exhibit Project

Because I promised to send it to Andrea:

http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/db4r/ExhibitDesign.pdf

My Production Planning class has just finished the first phase of a two-phase exhibit project. Phase one had company profiles and conceptual designs. Phase two is a complete job bid with fleshed out designs, budgets, schedules, and a pitch to a group of drama faculty.

The exhibit topic is "The Carnegie Mellon Drama Experience." Its a project I've done for a couple of years now. If you follow the link you will find a cobbled together design proposal that includes some work from each of the groups. This is the scope they will then have to go on to finish.

So far, the work this year has been real strong. Now I guess I'll see if they finish as strong as they start.

Ellipses...

48 pages... Has audience participation made its way to sports, and is it a bad thing?.. Do you think a blog is a good way to get hold of people you've lost track of over the years, I wonder what Eileen Mountner is doing, and if that's still her name?.. Should registering for gifts for a wedding be complicated, who knew, so many possibilities, not only of what to ask but where to ask from?.. Is this an actual ellipse "?.." Does the country need some kind of radical campaign financing revision, I have an idea, I wonder... What on Earth is up with the price of gas? Quick, try to think of anything that was twice as expensive last year as this year... Did you know that 47% of people in this country identify themselves as Christian Evangelical?.. Recently I have found myself evaluating a couple of long term project experiences, as a theatre person most of my work goes much much faster, how about you?.. If they do prove that people tampered with the election, shouldn't that be charged as treason?.. Where oh where is the tape of Vernon Maxwell charging up to like the 25th row of the crowd years ago?.. Is it possible that the free market and the profit motive have killed American innovation?.. Do you think that the entire organized labor movement has screwed up in reverse?..

All this and more, coming to a web page near you. Or not, I think my completion percentage for items included in "Ellipses" columns has been fairly poor to date. I wonder why...

"The Man"

So I have to admit it, the man is really holding me down. I was explaining to a friend today about how I had to pull yesterday's entry and he lamented about how there really was no free speech in our world. I guess on some level he's right. On another level I guess there's nothing keeping me from saying anything as long as I can live with the consequences.

I had the thought to maybe post the thing like this:

So I have to admit it, the man is really holding me down. I was explaining to a friend today about how I had to pull yesterday's entry and he lamented about how there really was no free speech in our world. I guess on some level he's right. On another level I guess there's nothing keeping me from saying anything as long as I can live with the consequences.

and then leave it to the reader to figure it out as an exercise. I actually posted it like that for about ten minutes. But then I figured that all in all that was the same as actually posting it. I'm the one who always gets upset for shows that bleep or pixelate what you can figure out in context, why not just leave it. The webdings above in the end feel like some sort of corporate "there are no bad ideas" pixelating policy.

So we won't be doing that.

In the end it really does bother me that I can't bring myself to air something I think is real funny because of the possibility that someone influential might be offended. I mean, I get the idea I shouldn't tell the monkey joke in class even if it does encapsulate estimating very well - as it is off color and not appropriate for the class room. But this is not a class room, this is something else, even if a student or two (or six, ok all of them) actually reads it.

Ugh, I did not think having a blog was going to lead to ethical dilemmas. Maybe I'll do what TBS does to Sex in the City. I'll just delete the offensive words and leave spaces. It would be like "Go ____ yourself!" No, that won't help either. Too much angst over a hobby. There must be something else to write about.