Four Things

One of the blogs I read regularly does posts every now and then that he calls "Five Things."  Here's my version:

The House is Finished

It sneaked up on us, but recently it seems like we've completed all the major work we anticipated doing when we first bought the house.  We did one big renovation when we first bought the house.  After that we did a deck out in front of the house.  Last year we finished the basement and refreshed the guest bathroom.  When we did that last set of work we left a kind of an ugly spot around the laundry hookups in the refreshed bath, leaving it kind of unfinished.  Just recently we had someone come in and finish off that room.  When that happened we looked around and thought: we're done.  There's still a list:  I still want solar and a backup generator and we want a deck and some landscaping in the back and a set of partitions in the attic; but all of that feels like "extra."  The initial scope of work is complete.  Maybe it is time to look for a new house.

I Appear to be Riding a Bike

One of my Quarenpurchases was an eBike.  My docs have all been grousing with me for a very long time that I needed to get more exercise.  I added that to the thought that when we start up again at work I won't want to be riding the bus and started looking around for a bike.  With all the hills around the neighborhood an eBike seemed like a good idea and Facebook must have known that because I was absolutely being bombarded with eBike ads.  I found one that wasn't too expensive (and then wound up getting a discount because of one of the browser plug ins I run) and the sitting-too-long-at-my-desk-purchasing bug got to me and I bought one.  It sat in a box for almost a month after I got it, but last week I put it together and finally got on it and rode around some.  I hadn't ridden a bike really in over... I think the last time would have been senior year of college, so hadn't been on a bike in decades.  I'm hoping to be up to five miles a day within a week.  It isn't much, but it is more exercise than I've been getting; even if I let the bike do some of the work on the hills.

School Decisions

The Pittsburgh Public Schools have asked us to choose between 2 days/week in person - 2 days asynchronous distance learning 1st grade or 5 days/week synchronous distance learning for this coming school year.  They haven't told us the hours/day or either approach.  I think we're going to opt for the 5 days/week at home.  It feels likely that even if they start out with some in person that they are likely to revert to 100% distance learning anyway, so why not plan for that to begin with.  Really though I don't feel like they've given us enough particulars to be able to make an informed decision.  I can't fault them too much though since I think the reason they haven't told us is that they don't know yet.  There's going to be a lot of figuring it out as we go along for everyone this fall.  That's going to be stressful for us all and we're going to have to be able to run with it.  As it turns out there was a board meeting today and someone suggested starting out with 9 weeks of 100% distance for everyone in order for them to better get their ducks in a row.  Stay tuned.

Fall Classes

Speaking of fall school, I am still scheduled to be teaching at CMU this fall.  I typically have three classes in the fall semester and I am still slated to be starting that in a few weeks.  I will be teaching PTM Professional Practice, Technical Direction 1, and Technical Direction 3.  I'll also be advising on thesis projects and doing the normal amount of academic advising.  We've cancelled all fall production so there won't be the normal amount of production advising involved, but, we're still planning to do shows in the spring and that would typically involve work for my folks in the fall.  It is still unclear what portion of that work is still going to happen.  Based on the last item, if you are curious, PTM Professional Practice is going to be 100% remote.  It is like half guests and from a social distancing perspective in person classes just seem irresponsible.  TD1 and TD3 are planned to go forward as hybrid classes, with myself and some (currently unknown) number of students in the room - although they are planning to put me in much larger rooms to allow for proper distancing.  I am kinda waiting for the "never mind we're 100% online" email, but it feels like they really don't want that to be the case.  Watch this space.

Goodbye Lois

July 1st is shaping up as one of the momentous days on the calendar in my life.  Several years ago I lost my dad on July 1st.  A couple years after that my daughter was born on July 1st (and the year before that my Brother-in-law's son was born on July 1st).  This year I lost my Aunt Lois on July 1st.

Probably should make sure that I don't hang glide or bungee jump or have major surgery on a July 1st.  Just makes sense to play the percentages.

My Aunt Lois was my mother's older sister.  There were three sisters: Lois, Eileen, and Sari.  They actually went in reverse order.  Sari dies many years ago after a pretty troubled life.  We lost my mother a little while back.  Her mother actually went next, and now the last of the three sisters.

Aunt Lois and Uncle Phil lived in New York while my family and most of the extended family lived in Chicago.  For most of my life we didn't have much of a relationship compared to the other cousins that lived locally.  We saw Lois & Phil once a year maybe, sometimes a little more often.  We would go to New York to stay with them or they would come to Chicago and stay with us or with other relatives.

Trips to New York were always a treat.  There were two cousins Mark & Jeff that were older than me - the cool older cousins.  The house they had while I was growing up had a great basement with a pinball machine, ping pong table, and bumper pool.  They also had a small shop where I occasionally got to build models with one of my cousins.

Much later on I used to see them a little more often after I graduated from college and moved to New Haven.  I would do holidays with the Seidens and even lived in their house for one summer while I worked at Hudson Scenic at Hunts Point.

For a while Lois and Phil were snowbirds, living in Florida during the winter in a beachside condo and back in New York during the rest of the year.  Eventually she was in Florida full time and we made our way to visit her there occasionally.

Lois had this reputation in my family as being someone that didn't take no for an answer.  If you wanted something and didn't know how to make it happen you would ask Lois and she'd lead you through it.  I've always joked that Lois was someone that could get on a plane after the door was closed or someone that could get a boat to come back to the dock after it had departed.  She just had a superpower.

We'd really only seen Lois a couple of times in the past couple of years.  When Gib5on was one we were to Florida and stayed with Lois so she would get to see him.  Maybe two years ago we got to see her briefly in New York when we were out visiting my sister.  She went into a decline sometime prior to that.  She was having a little trouble placing my face and clearly didn't know my son - reasonable enough since we weren't a regular part of her life.

She lead an amazing life.  I'll miss her very much.

Fathers Day 2020

This year.  Pittsburgh, PA

And a few BLASTS from the PAST...

Consequences

When you have kids they do things you don't want them to do.  They also often do things you specifically tell them not to do.  Eventually they will discover that even though they have done something they've been told not to do that they do not have to tell you about it.  Not long after that they will discover that even if you ask specifically about the thing they weren't supposed to do they can tell you something else and there are pretty good odds you won't check.

Gib5on has arrived at the end of that paragraph.

Although the odds of getting away clean are pretty good they are not a mortal lock and you will eventually catch the kid in a lie.  Last night, when inquiring what he was up to upstairs he responded - maybe too hesitantly - that he was playing with toys in his room.  Not too long after Mrs. TANBI busted him watching a movie with his cousin and his uncle.  The uncle did try to mitigate things by saying he enabled the bad behavior, but like with many transgressions: the offense was forgivable but the coverup was not.

And so Gib5on needed a consequence.

Coming up with consequences as a parent is rough ground.  You definitely need to stay in the world of proportional response - and clocking them in the side of the head is right out (although I really do understand what my parents were feeling even if I can't imagine following through).  It has to be something they will feel, but it can't be something that makes our lives too difficult.

We lean pretty heavy on time outs.  "Go sit on the stairs."  When he was younger his time outs were one minute for each year.  Now sitting there for that long doesn't have much teeth and sitting there long enough to make an impact, say maybe 15 minutes, would be a real disruption in our day.  The utility of the time out is waning.

We've tried taking away toys.  He's got a lot of toys.  We'd have to take away a lot of toys to make an impact.  Sometimes if he is particularly enamored with one thing or another you might find a vulnerable spot for a while, but it doesn't last long.  For a while I would threaten to give away a toy to another kid at school who was a toddler nemesis, but I don't think he ever really believed me.

No dessert has a certain amount of effectiveness.  But it is fairly discreet in its impact.  The idea of losing dessert is horrifying to him, but pretty much just at the moment he is being told it is going to happen and then at the moment after he asks for dessert.  Sometimes this results in a tantrum so energetic that we have to start looking for another consequence.

I miss the days when "give a squeeze and count to four" from Daniel Tiger still had some legs.

The nuclear option here is: NO SCREENS.  It really is a nuclear option though in that it contaminates the entire countryside.  In other words it also makes us miserable.  We rely on that screen time for a moment of respite in the day and when we punish him we are making more work for ourselves.  Plus also it has some fringe the litigator in him can pull on.  Screens are the center of his distance learning right now, and his karate class, and talking to his grandparents.  "I can't do that, it is a screen" is only days away in our discourse I am sure - at which point I will be back to considering how wrong my folks had it after all.

This week we discovered a much better vector: 24 hours without Pokemon.  He's all up into Pokemon right now.  He plays with the cards and engages us in Pokemon card battles (he cheats too - another post for another day), he plays computer Pokemon card games, he has Pokemon toys he plays with, and he watches Pokemon cartoons.  It hits behavior, toys, screens; it is a veritable hydra of consequences.  I even disallowed his Pokemon pajamas.

The penalty phase just ended.  He's off to bed in his prized Pikachu PJs.  At least for the first part of the day he definitely missed the content.  I think it is possible he might have experienced some behavior modification.  But even if he didn't, we got a 24 hour Pokemon vacation.  In this case that's enough all by itself.

Pseudonyms

Alright David, just who the hell are Gib5on and Sabian and what kind of names are those anyway?

When we were expecting our first we didn't know the sex and hadn't really decided on a name but still wanted a name to use in conversation.  At the time I was reading William Gibson's recent books; something in the Pattern Recognition series and thought "Gibson" would be a neat name for a child.  But since I was thinking William Gibson I decided that a Leet Speak version of the name using a "5" for the "S" would be more interesting.  And so we started using Gib5on as a placeholder name for our first.

Two interesting things here.  First, it turns out that you really can't name a child Gib5on.  The US Social Security administration will only issue a Social Security number to children with names composed completely of letters; no numbers or symbols.  You pretty much have to have a Social Security number, so that nixes it pretty well in the bud.

The second is more funny.  A fried of ours was writing a book about parenting when we were expecting and she chose to reference us in the acknowledgements: me, my wife, and Gib5on.  Her editor checked with her at least three times before the book went to print that the "5" wasn't a typo.  So even though we don't call the boy Gib5on any more it is memorialized in the book.

After Gib5on was born I discovered that my very first friend in life  (our mothers were college friends) had named her boy Ellison.  She didn't do it for the author, but I think it would have been cool to have toddler friends Gib5on and Ellison.

When the second child came along we needed another placeholder name.  We decided it would be bad form to recycle the first name and set out to come up with another.  Mrs. T was kinda over the scifi dimension of Gib5on and so she decided that actually it was Gibson like the guitar.  That lead us for a brief time to use Fender and the placeholder for the new arrival.  Not soon after coming to that conclusion we discovered that Fender was actually having a very bad year with respect to women.  Since we were a little bit hoping for a girl we thought that was an unfortunate dimension to the thing and discarded the moniker.

From Fender we briefly entertained Zildjian, but that seemed too on the nose.  We thought for about 10 seconds about Paiste but discarded that on similar grounds to Zildjian.  That lead us to Sabian and that stuck.  Well it least it stuck for me.  I'm not sure it stuck for Mrs. T.

So, if you are reading here and you see me talking about Gib5on or Sabian you know I am talking about my kids.

The Last Six Boxes

As you may or may not know, I had to clean out my parents house a little while back.  Of the many things that made their way to Pittsburgh as part of that effort were what I think was like about a dozen bankers boxes full of documents.  In Chicago all that stuff had been in file cabinets in the basement.  Somewhere along the way I decided that I could manage getting rid of the cabinets - I took them to Goodwill - but I didn't have it in me to go through the documents.  So all the papers went into bankers boxes and made the trip to Pennsylvania.

I do think I made one effort in Chicago to deal with documents.  In what is probably an over reaction to identity theft I decided that much of what was there needed to be shredded.  I remember taking a couple of boxes of old checks to a Staples because they said they had bulk shredding.  I also remember being there for more than an hour because it seemed like I should be there until the shredding actually happened and that the person doing the shredding only worked on it when there were no customers, and the shredder wasn't really anything special so it kept getting gummed up just like your unit at home might do.  More than an hour for what must have been a large shoebox probably was what tipped the scales in favor of putting the rest of the documentation under the heading of "deal with it later."

I did make an effort to get through the stuff once it arrived at home.  I got through a couple of boxes.  There was a lot to dispose of, much of which seemed like it should be shredded.  If you've never gotten a cancelled check back from your bank - something they haven't done in over a decade - you are fortunate.  I started to accumulate a box of used office supplies: mostly file folders and binders, but also sheet protectors and paper clips.  The clips aren't particularly special, but they can go through the shredder, so they got set aside whether it made sense or not.  There was also a little bit of kryptonite - things with no real value but that also seem like a real shame to throw away.  That went into another box.

At some point work must have started again and I walked away from the project, and then life became a little bit of a roller coaster and I never got back to it.  There were six boxes left and they sat in the basement for years awaiting their disposition.

Recently I decided it was time to finish off the gig.  I brought the last six boxes up to the dining room figuring if they were legitimately in the way I wouldn't be able to ignore them.  Most of what was left was very much like what I'd processed already.  There was one box that was almost entirely kryptonite.  Some of the things I found:

• Parents first Passports
• Parents fist lease
• Bill of sale from the HP house in 1967
• My first CMU invoices
• Pictures of Dad with a bunch of people from the Nixon administration
• Mom's teaching certification
• Hardcopy of note from the Principal observing one of Dad's classes

But of all of it, the bit that was the densest kryptonite of it all was a stack of valentines from my mom to my dad from before they were married.

I couldn't find the wherewithal to dispose of everything.  So the last six boxes become 8 lawn bags of shredded documents and a single box of "family history."  Maybe I'll manage to pitch it later.  Maybe Leo will have to do it when he cleans out this house.  Anyway "last six" is a bit of a misnomer.  There are still three large boxes of LPs I don't know what to do with.  A couple of boxes of things that may or may not be antiques, and two or three more banker's boxes of loose photos.  I guess I still have at least one more push to make before I am done.

Or maybe it'll never be done.

What's on Your Mind

Couldn't Resist

Fathers Day 2014

Marisa said to take notes so I would remember my first fathers day.

Leo and Marisa let me sleep in.  I always sleep in.  Then Marisa went to the store and Leo and I watched #nerdland - or more like I watched and Leo watched me.  We went for a late brunch to Tender in Lawerenceville.  They were doing only their second brunch (the first was mothers day).  We wound up a little segregated because the place isn't so much stroller friendly.  So we were in the back room with one other couple and their stroller.  I had a very nice rum cocktail and then some excellent fried chicken.  Marisa had a special brunch cocktail: the Marcia, Jan, & Cindy and then some excellent salmon (maple cured with pickled beets).  The waiter was nice enough to shoot our first fathers day photo above.

Leo had nothing but behaved very well anyway.  We were joking that he should have a cocktail, something with milk... and vodka - maybe a white russian... oh oh oh: breast milk and vodka = babushka!  Yeah, Leo had nothing.

When we got home I got great cards from Marisa and Leo.  Leo and I got matching Cubs hats and tickets to a Bucs/Cubs game in September - in the all you can eat section!  So even though the holiday was today we will get to celebrate again in September (and Leo has that long to grow into his hat).

Couldn't help but think about my dad some today.  Still miss him much.

I hope I do at least as good a job as he did!

I am a Bad Blogger lately

I also think I look like I need a nap.

Announcement!

Congrats Mrs. TANBI

Tonight Mrs. TANBI graduated in the 20th class of Leadership Pittsburgh's Leadership Development Institute.

She is now an official emerging leader, which is something I have known all along.

One speaker at the graduation said LDI is the equivalent of many MBA programs.  So that's way cool.  I am very impressed.  Everyone should congratulate Mrs. TANBI on the achievement.

First Night 2013

Another year, another First Night.

From FirstNight1213

Mrs.TANBI has a recurring New Year's Eve gig theming the Pittsburgh Cultural Arts District with dancing lights.  This was the first time the event has gone off with snow on the ground.  There's been rain and bitter cold, but never accumulated snow.  In the end it didn't seem to matter much, although I would guess that attendance was down from prior years.

Last year there were three lighting positions, two lifts and one parking lot.  This year what was tower one came off the street and was split into a parking lot and additions to the Highmark pedestrian bridge.  This was great because it took the last of the fixtures off the street and made it so the whole show could be focused and cued in advance (not much in advance, but in advance).

As usual, Mrs, TANBI did a great job.



She's already got new plans for next year, new fixtures, new positions.


I'm a kind of a supernumerary participant in things.  The first couple of years I was actually on the crew but I haven't had an official position in a long time.  Mostly now I am just an unpaid assistant for Mrs. TANBI and then I do a little traffic directing after the event - just try to look busy.

Anyway, great fun and another good job done by Mrs. TANBI!

From FirstNight1213

First Night 2011-12

Mrs. TANBI and I have a New Years tradition - she goes to work and I hang around like her entourage. It seems like each year the project grows just a little. This year the work crept out all the way down Penn Ave to 9th.

One of the coolest parts of the job is watching other people take photos. This year there were several families where they kids would lay down in the street for a picture. I didn't get one of those, but here's a very meta photo of someone else taking a photo.

Sometimes the pictures aren't really enough to see what's going on...



Of course the end of the evening is fireworks. This time ringing in the New Year was Rusted Root...




Things are usually too busy for me to really make sure I get it in, so once again: Great Job Mrs. TANBI! And Happy New Year!

Lost my Grandmother

I Should Post Something

Trying to keep it going.


Closed a house today.  Two year anniversary of my Mom's passing.  It snowed a lot.  Maybe I'll just post a picture.

I think that's a nice picture of Mrs. TANBI.

Last Night - First Night

So Mrs. Boevers did the Pittsburgh First Night thing again. Lots of new stuff this year including two new positions. Lots of items in Theatre Square and an "Entry Icon" for people coming across the bridge from Heinz Field and the Winter Classic:



Here's the whole shebang:



And here's some of the Midnight show. We were father back this year, at 8th Street. From there you can actually see the ball and the fireworks, although you don't have much of a view of the band. If you listen carefully you might just make out a little Tower of Power and "What is Hip?"



Mrs. Boevers was on the TV too! Look for her at about 1:25 here: First Night Celebrations in Downtown Pittsburgh - Video - WTAE Pittsburgh I tried to find an embed code, but failed so you have to go to their site.

And of course it wouldn't be New Years without drunk people fighting. Here's some for your enjoyment:



Plans are already underway to make next year's show even bigger and better! Congrats to Marisa!

Almost There

In my original plan this was the week the house would have come onto the market. That's why we have language like "original plan" so as to be able to distinguish it from the current plan or even from how things just come out. As it is the house could list next week, not bad as far as I'm concerned, but I think actually it won't. The realtor seems to believe that at this point we might wait for the first week of school. Too many shoppers and brokers away on vacation right now.

The last couple of days have been some of the hardest in the world of sorting. My sister and I had been accumulating all of the "kryptonite" in one room so as to be able to keep going. The last two days have been that room. Things like my parent's yearbooks, all the letters I'd ever written to them that they saved, awards and commendations, and hundreds and hundreds of family photos. Much more difficult than clothes or office supplies.

But, two days later and it's all gone in a "keep" box or to Goodwill or to trash. I think the hardest of all was to put mounted family photos in the trash. But in every case I have the photo and don't want the enlargement. Unfortunately, Goodwill isn't going to want even really nicely framed photos of my family - and the way my dad did them there isn't even a frame to donate.

The contractors, who were going to be finished last Wednesday, are still working. They've had to redo a couple of things and the weather didn't really cooperate with some of the exterior work so it's dragged out a little. We have a white tornado cleanup scheduled for tomorrow and thankfully the interior work is complete but for one item. Tomorrow they will work on finishing the exterior work and then the realtor is going to have to coordinate completing that one last item. Even with the delays I am pretty happy with their work and the interaction.

We'll see how I feel when I get the final invoice.

Looking back I can't think how this would have gone if... if I hadn't owned a truck and lived close enough to drive in... if my sister and my wife hadn't been able to take the time out of their lives too... if my cousin Susan hadn't been able to pitch in so much... if this had happened during the academic year instead of in my enormous break... if my boss and colleagues hadn't been so totally flexible... if "hot" wasn't the extent of the difficult weather... it's been tough, but I can't lose sight of how tough it could have been (and still could be).

We haven't done "to did" in a while, here's today's (and thanks to my wife and sister for the big pitch in):

• ordered the next "special" trash pick up - hopefully the last.
• called the appraisal person to set a meeting
• went looking for plastic tarps for the garage - failed
• went to the post office to forward the mail - failed
• hauled some trash for the special
• made a lunch date tomorrow with a cousin who's looking out for me
  
• placed some ornamental lights in the yard
  
• dropped off like a zillion wire hangars at the dry cleaner
• made a second attempt at the mail forwarding and succeeded
• ran some surplus medication for donation
• took my sister and my nephew to the airport
• tried to transfer my dad's iPass to my name - failed
• took a totally understated subtle birdhouse assembly to a neighbor's
• finished off the back bathroom
• staged the master bedroom
• staged the second bedroom
• straightened out the room we're using for cleaning
  
• completed assembly of some chairs my sister had recovered for staging
• hung curtains in the dining room
• hung curtains in the living room - decided we need another panel
• finished clearing the basement (out to the garage to sort tomorrow)
• Mrs. Boevers (among other things) staged the family room
• went for replacement light bulbs and that extra curtain panel

and yet, compared to other days it felt like I did very little.

Just a few hours left. Fingers crossed. Maybe some pics tomorrow.

Adjustment

The work on the house has begun. One (or two) of my cousins have graciously volunteered to stop by and keep me up to speed. Apparently today some of the window glass was replaced and the wallpaper came down in the kitchen; so that's some positive contractor karma. Of course on the other end of the spectrum he sent me an email asking me where the paint was. It seemed pretty clear to me from his proposal that the paint was included. Maybe not. Probably a hashtag for such things: #ifthatstheworst...

I don't think I am going to make the full adjustment to being back before I have to go out there again. A little bit my vacation this summer is like Inception:

I was on summer vacation.
I took on pre-college, a vacation from vacation.
My dad passes and I skip out on pre-college to go work on the house: vacation from my vacation from my vacation.
I work until I am burned out and take a break: vacation from my vacation from my vacation from my vacation.

That's four layers deep - limbo, right? Soon I'll be going back and I guess the layers start to unwind. Too bad I don't get the benefit of the time distortion with each level - this week at home could be like 100 years in real time. Instead I look up and July is gone. I never really even made my to-do list for the summer. Good thing I didn't, it would have gone right in the bin anyway.

I think I see the endgame coming. I only need to figure out a few things. I need to find out how to sell a car...

Anyone in the Chicago area interested in a 2007 Camry w/15,000 miles?

I need to find someone to keep up the gardens on the property after the house goes up for sale...

Anyone in the Highland Park area got a kid that wants to make a few bucks?

I need to figure out what to do with a bunch of artifacts/collectibles that really only have sentimental value. Beyond that I only need for the house to sell. Now, in the worst real estate market in memory I have not one, but two homes for sale. #ifthatstheworst...

With the endgame comes something that finally feels like a list, even if the "end" which at this point is getting the house on the market isn't really the end. Still it's something.

Interval

Today was a light day highlighted by less work and good food. This trip I hadn't been to Walker Brothers or to The BBQ Pit so today I went to both. Otherwise, things at the house are wound up for the contractors to do their stuff. I've arranged for people to keep an eye on things while the work is happening and I am setting up to head East back to my life for a little bit.

Projectwise it feels a little odd to walk away at this moment. There's still quite a bit to do on the house to get it ready to sell. On the other hand, much the remaining list is stuff that requires both me and my sister, so that would wait anyway. And then there's the dimension of trying to live and work in a house that has a crew of people working on it. I just have to remember that even though I'm not working that the project is moving forward.

Plus it will give me some time to decompress. That's something I think I really need.

To did:

1. Went to the store to get some cleaning supplies, a file box for active files, and some "road" items.
2. Swapped out 75W Spots for 60W Floods in the exterior lights that are on a sensor.
3. Emailed the GC with some additional items
4. Met with a home appraiser (our tax guy says we'll need an appraisal to settle the estate).
5. Took my cousin through the GC's list so she can check up on things for me.
6. Finished clearing away any small items from the rooms where people will be working.
7. Did some additional cleaning/consolidation in the basement.

Every day it gets harder to remember the things I've been doing.

Tomorrow: Pack, load up, gas up, Chicago, Indiana, Ohio, PA, Pittsburgh...