So I have this problem: my dad won't quit smoking. Yes, this is the dad who got the whiz bang pace-maker, defibrillator, espresso maker implant this week, and suffice it to say this was not the only health issue he's ever dealt with.
Seems like every doctor he talks to asks him if he wants information on smoking cessation. It must sound to him like the dental hygienist sounds to me when she's talking about floss.
Do you think I could get dad to give up smoking on any day I manage to floss?
I'm really stuck here. There has to be some way to get the man to stop, or I guess more accurately to get the man to want to stop. So does anyone out there in cyberspace have any ideas? I am willing to be mean, crass, impolite, unreasonable, annoying, insufferable (or good things too I suppose).
What would you do?
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Ideas?
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2 comments:
Yeah. Your dad and my dad. And me, for that matter. As far as my dad goes, he's 68 years old and he just doesn't care. he likes to smoke. the heart problems--valves, bypasses, hypertension be damned. the man WILL NOT put down the smokes. He likes to smoke, and he's not going to stop. As he has said a number of times, "It's one of the things I really LIKE. I'm sorry if that makes me a bad person, but I LIKE smoking."
Me? Well, I've justified and rationalized it any number of ways. I think it just comes to this: I like to smoke, I don't like not smoking, I will die from something someday, and after seeing what happens to people who live way to long during my recent trip to Florida, I don't really care much if I kick off early. I just don't.
Of course, I haven't got kids, I already got lymphoma (which will eventually do me in--it's just taking it's time), so fuck it.
I know you want your dad to quit. I can only begin to imagine how sick of hearing about it he is. He probably has--like me and like my dad--enough stop smoking lit to fill a small dumpster.
If he wanted to quit, he would. You can't want it for him, and bugging him about it will probably just make him crabby.
I'd just tell him you love him, you wish he'd quit, and if he ever decides to do that, you'll come out and chain him to a radiator so he can't get to cigarettes.
You can't want it for him. This is one of those things that you can't even guilt people into quitting. It just don't work. The man has had a number of heart related surgeries, hasn't he? If he wanted to quit, he would have by now. Same as my dad. Same as me.
I've quit before for months and years, but I always start up again because I miss it. Sad, yes. But I do. Same as my dad, I LIKE smoking. I do. I really, really like it.
We all find ways to damage ourselves. Some are just more socially acceptable than others.
My grandmother was the same way, may she rest in peace. Smoked 2-3 packs of unfiltered Pall-Malls from the age of 15 until she passed in May (at age 93). In the end, it wasn't the smoking that got her. It was just the things that happen to your body as you age. We would have liked to have her stop. She knew the smoking bothered the rest of the family. She tried not to smoke "too much" when around the family, and not at all in the proximity of her great grand children. So she was as considerate as she possibly could be, given her obvious and deeply ingrained physical dependency.
In discussing the issue with her doctors in the latter decade or two of her life, their opinion was generally that ceasing smoking at that point would not significantly increase her lifespan, and would definitely cause problems based on her body’s integration of that dependency. So we didn’t actually push for it.
Your dad is a bit younger though, so the battle may be more worthwhile. On the other hand, I think Stevie’s right. Smokers smoke. Some smokers quit (I did 15 years ago) when they are ready. Some are never ready. My uncle on the other side died before 60 of lung cancer. He was never ready to give up smoking either.
Not a good outlook for your quest, from my perspective, I am afraid. On the other hand, my father who was healthy as a horse until the day at age 59, the stage 4 glioblastoma multifome was found in his head. We lost him less than 2 years later, way too young. I will always regret that we had our daughter too late to meet him. He was a truly inspiring human being.
My advice, try to concentrate on your dad the person, rather than on the bad health or other decisions that he has made along the way in his life. He is , in the end, more than any single decision he has ever made.
Sorry if this came across like a lecture. I did not intend it to be.
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