Mrs. TANBI and I went to see Wall-E the other day. We both fell asleep somewhere between EVA's return to Earth and their arrival on the space ship. Still we both enjoyed the movie, so I guess that will be a reason to see it again.
I would however like to use this trip to highlight a couple of things I could do without at the movies (and I don't even mean the new version of Screen Gems - whatever it is, that will get its whole own post some other time). We witnessed both of these things and while you may not agree it is after all my blog.
Number 1: You can't save seats for your friends after the movie starts.
The show we were at was fairly heavily sold, so much so that people were having to sit in those three rows in front of the cross-aisle, down close to the screen. Off to our left there were three kids who had a whole empty row in front of them and every time people walked up they were all like "these are saved." I should mention too that during this time they had their feet up and over the backs of these seats and were just generally being rude. Anyway, their buds did arrive - a few minutes into the magic act, but I am sorry; once the film starts, those seats should be available to people there already. If you want someone to save your seat (and lord knows with the new pre-show I am SURE that will increase) then you had better get there before the lights go out.
Number 2: You can't bring in take out from Chang's.
I know the food at the theatre is priced more than a gallon of gas, and I guess bringing in your own food makes a certain amount of sense, but chowing down on a container of beef with broccoli is just over the line. Maybe second grade rules ought to apply here and if you are going to bring in food like that you have to bring enough for everyone. We're going to have to smell it, we should be able to eat it - if you like beef w/ broccoli. I can't imagine what the kid who cleans up between shows will feel if you just so happen to spill your kung pao scallops, and the people next to you didn't plan on going to a restaurant, they went to a film. It's hard enough with the cell phones and the talking and the babies crying - full blown restaurant take out is over the line. Sneak in a bag of Skittles if you must, but leave the lettuce wraps for another time.
This concludes the evening's rant over people I can do without. I am sure there will be more as time goes on.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Things Not to do at The Movies
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4 comments:
I completely agree with this statement. You are so awesome. I wish I could be you. Hopefully, in twenty years, I will be just like you.
Here's a few more of my own:
1. PRICES - I don't mind paying $13 or so for a movie ticket, but the price of a large popcorn and Coke combo is now up to $15 including tax. What's worse, the soda is usually either flat, too syrupy, or not syrupy enough, and the popcorn has enough merry widows that you can never really relax and just munch away for fear or splintering your frakking teeth.
2. MARKETING BOMBARDMENT - There might only be one person in front of you in the line for tickets, but you could be standing there for the next five minutes while the clerk runs through the script explaining the various cards and clubs that they want the person to join to "save money." Then you step up and are subjected to the same pitch, unless you're like me and you cut them off before they start. This is just the first of many captive marketing pitches you'll enjoy on a typical trip to the movies. These days I preface every request at the Regal with "I don't have a Moviegoers card, can I please have a ticket for..."
3. GOOD PICTURE AND SOUND - In the last movie I saw,I could swear none of the rear speakers were turned on. When I saw "Iron Man", the house lights were so bright that I could hardly focus on the picture. When I saw "Hulk", the whole movie was incredibly quiet, as if someone's ass had touched the volume knob in the projection booth.
And finally, the biggest reason of all to never go to the movies again:
4. THE AUDIENCE - People are becoming increasingly solipsistic and it becomes very evident at the movies. Here are some directives for my fellow audience members:
a. Frak you
b. Put your damn feet down and quit kicking my seat every 10 seconds.
c. Shut your mouth and watch the movie
d. Put your g*dd*mn cell phone away; don't think that just because it isn't making any noise, that the fact that you just lit up the entire theater to send a text message isn't bothering anyone.
In "Hulk", three different people in my immediate vicinity not only had their phones ring during the movie, but all three *took the call* and started yakking away right there in the seats-- and when the movie got louder, so did they so they could be heard over the soundtrack. And the ones who don't talk on their phones are constantly pulling out those hellish devices and checking their e-mail or texting or whatever-the-frak and their little glowing screens wink on and off and light up the theater like fireflies.
The worst one of all was a teenage jerkoff who went so far as to start playing his mp3s out loud on his iPhone during the parts of the movie he found boring-- basically anything without explosions. He just turned on the music and sat back chatting with his girlfriend while they bobbed their heads to their tunes. I've never seen anything like it. Of course it's situations like that that make being a cop rather convenient. I got up and politely told the kid to turn it off twice. After I got the finger twice, I yanked him up and start putting the cuffs on him for disturbing the peace. His "screw everyone" attitude suddenly disappeared and the tears and begging and apologies took its place real quick. I walked him outside with his stoned girlfriend trailing behind me and handed him off to uniformed cop working security and that was that.
Honestly, though, I rarely go to the movies any more. Now that I have a 60" plasma and Dolby surround at home, it's so much nicer to just have the girlfriend come over and watch movies in peace. No fighting traffic to theater, no paying for parking, no standing in lines for tickets or snacks, the snacks are both good and cheap, the seats are luxurious and comfortable, the picture and sound is as good (if not better) than the theater, there's no room full of people incessantly disrupting things and we can stop the movie to use the restroom, etc, without missing anything.
not for nothing, but a fair amount of the time if you complain after the film you can get free ticket vouchers.
I haven't done it in a while, and I never remembered to use the things when I did, but a while back we had a run of craptacular film experiences and they were the fault of the theatre - film framed wrong, lights didn't go out, stuff like that. In each case complaining persistantly got me free tickets. Sucks to have to do, but it works.
After seeing "A Mighty Wind" I went in with my friend April and she unloaded: "Yes, I am sure the director actually intended for the top of everyone's head to be cut off for an entire reel!" Bullseye, first time: free tickets.
With the rise of affordable home theaters-- what used to be the province of only the mega-rich has now become affordable for the upper-middle class-- theaters need to focus all their efforts on *improving* the movie-going experience. Make it so that people see a night at the movies as some kind of value that they can't get at home. Instead the theater experience seems to be steadily declining in quality even as the home experience improves. It won't be long before all movie theaters disappear, just like drive-ins did.
There's a theater in Austin called The Alamo Drafthouse that is fantastic. It's basically a restaurant and a movie theater combined. You sit in comfortable chairs around tables and order entire meals during the previews, then as the movie plays, your food is brought out and you can enjoy it as you watch. They serve beer and other alcohol and the orders are taken on little pre-printed slips of paper that the customer fills out to minimize the talking, even during the previews.
I thought at first that it would be distracting to have waiters constantly walking in and out delivering food and drinks during the movie but it really wasn't any worse than your typical theater with people getting up and down to go to the bathroom every few minutes. After a while you don't even notice it.
I have a blast whenever I go there. It greatly enhances the experience and it's not something that I can reasonably duplicate at home.
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