You Know Just How Much When 3

(So all the faculty sits in a row of chairs, and a group of students sits opposite them. Boevers standing behind the row of chairs with a bullhorn)

Boevers: Alright, it's time for crits. Please keep presentations short. If you go over five minutes, you'll be hearing from me (pats the bullhorn)

Hallie: Well, this semester, I worked on 3 shows and assisted 2 more...

(Kate runs out and cuts her off)

Kate: STOP! (grabs bullhorn, runs through teachers, hands it to Rustin, stares the faculty down) This is crazy crits! We're switching things around! This time, the faculty crit! Boevers!

Boevers: Well, all things being equal...

(Rustin stops him with bullhorn)

Kate: No excuses! Holcomb!

Holcomb: Well...you see...(hair flip)....it depends...

(Rustin stops him with air horn)

Kate: No more crew grid switches! Molich!

Olich: What I'm seeing here is a dissonance between your goals, and the prescience of a greater ideal.

(Rustin stops him with bullhorn)

Kate: Do you HAVE goals? SUSAN!

Susan: Well, um, you see...

(Rustin stops her)

Kate: We are very disappointed in all of you. We expect more polished portfolio reviews from you next time. We suggest you all take a year off...SIEZE THEM!

(everyone grabs a faculty, mt's come onto the balconies)
(we bring the faculty downstage, a la Urinetown)

Students: NOW WE FINALLY GOT YOU/NOW YOU'RE IN OUR CLAWS/WE NO LONGER LIVE BY YOUR LAWS /THERE'S NO TRIAL OR JURY/NOTHING TO DISCUSS/NOW THE LAWS ARE SPEAKING THROUGH US

(throw the faculty onto the bar grating)

Holcomb: Wait, THIS is crazy crits?

Olich: So, what I'm seeing here, is that you are going to throw us off of the upper tier of Purnell, and that is supposed to be crazy crits? DEATH is crazy crits?

Kate: You COULD say that. I don't know why you would, but you could.

(grab the faculty, throw them off Urinetown style, into the Urinetown Bobby death light, they make the bobby death hand movements, then the smack sound)

Olich: What I'm experiencing is...death