PM: Welcome to Urinetown: the production meeting. Everyone good? (Looks around) good, good, record time. Well, we have to leave.
Zi: Wait! But, there were two fatalities in the costume shop last night….
Boevers’ booming voice: 5!!... 4!!... 3.!!... (people scurry out and are gone before “2”)
(After the students leave, the faculty relaxes noticeably. Kevin takes out an enormous piece of paper and starts folding. Boevers plays gameboy. Holcomb takes off his pants.)
Holcomb: All right, well what’s on the schedule for today?
Tina: What we really need to discuss is the Jacuzzi addition to the faculty lounge?
Norm: Well, well, well…well what about the staff? Can’t we change the name of the lounge to the...
Boevers: Well you just don’t get to go.
Holcomb: Well, that’s a bit out of scope with our current budget… If we want to move on this idea we’ll have to cut at least 2 or 3 students.
Everyone: Oh yeah; no problem; great
Anne: All right… well, whose expendable?
Cindy (busting in, enormous martini in hand): hi everyone, sorry, I just flew in from
Todd: Oh, we’re discussing who to cut…
Cindy: oh, just cut will.
Beth: Didn’t we cut him last year?
Cindy: no, we just gave him a studio show
Susan: gone. we can also cut Nikki… she’s only on school of music shows anyway
Cindy: why don't we cut all the senior lighting designers. they all suck and besides, then i could stop pretending to look for lighting faculty.
Holcomb: ok. Todd, that ok with you?
(Todd stares at Holcomb for a good 10 seconds, unflinching. people become uncomfortable.)
Todd: yeah, that’s fine with me. They’re always asking to use my lights: it really gets in the way of my quantum shows.
Anne: well, that’s a good start, but it would hurt to lose a little more deadweight
Joe: why don’t we just use the wheel of pain? That’ll teach those students to stop asking for extensions…
Everyone: good idea
(Holcomb reaches under the table and reveals a large board with a spinning arrow on it and peoples names around its axis. one pie wedge has “jackpot in large sparkly letters, another is labeled “bankrupt”. he gives the arrow a vicious spin….wherever it lands, the faculty all stare pensively at the result. Holcomb then slides the arrow over to jackpot.)
Holcomb: Ok, so the entire senior D/P class is gone. That should free up enough dough for the Jacuzzi.
Tina: yes, but who will install it for us?
Boevers: oh, we can have crazy scheme take care of that…
Norm: DAMNIT DAVE!… who will run the plumbing, because that’s not my, my..
Boevers: crazy scheme
Todd: who do you think is going to do the wiring for that?
Boevers: crazy scheme
Holcomb: Ok, that about wraps it up. Anything else:
Boevers: yeah, if anyone needs snow shoveled…
(Norm grabs a bottle of lotion and Kevin grabs a box of tissues)
Norm: Well, if that’s everything, I have to go…
Kevin: Um, yea, the router needs, some, er, gotta run…
(they run out)
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